Sheriff's Calls

Posted 6/8/22

Sheriff’s Calls is intended as a humorous take on some of the incident call records of the Jefferson County Sheriff’s Office for the mountain communities. Names and identifying details have been changed. All individuals are innocent until proven guilty.

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Sheriff's Calls


A case of the piles

INDIAN HILLS – On May 9, neighbor Abel called JCSO to complain that neighbor Baker had piled a bunch of tree slash in his yard. After surveying the mess, Deputy Charlie advised neighbor Baker to de-pile neighbor Abel’s property, pronto, or be charged with littering. Neighbor Baker said he’d get right on that, except that neighbor Abel called JCSO again on May 10 to complain that neighbor Baker’s sticks and scraps were still resting comfortably on his lawn. Witnessing the truth thereof, Deputy Delta asked neighbor Baker why he hadn’t removed the rubbish as required. “I haven’t had time,” he shrugged. Deputy Delta cited neighbor Baker for littering and third degree trespass. Neighbor Abel moved the pile himself.

Brawl in the family

EVERGREEN – Finding himself on the losing side of a brotherly dispute, Peter called 911. According to Peter’s statement to deputies, his brother, Greg, who is allegedly “(flunking) nuts!” had socked him in the eye. Pressed for details, Peter recounted how the previous evening he’d gone to snag a cigarette out of Greg’s car and had inadvertently set off the alarm. The incident appeared to anger Greg, although whether Greg was ticked-off because the alarm got tripped or because he was stealing smokes, Peter couldn’t say. Either way, tensions simmered all through the night and finally came to a hard boil at about 10 o’clock that morning. “(Flunk) you, man!” Greg had directed Peter, hotly. “(Flunk) yourself!” Peter had coolly replied. Perhaps unable to summon up a sufficiently forceful rejoinder, Greg settled for a vigorous right jab to Peter’s left ocular orbit. Asked to either confirm or deny his brother’s allegations, Greg said sure, he popped the little creep, but “he was in my face.” As it turned out, Greg was mad about both the car alarm, which had awakened him and his lady friend out of a sound sleep, and the unauthorized appropriation of his smoking materials. “If he wanted a cigarette he should have asked for one.” When officers requested an interview with Lady Friend to confirm the details of the fight, Greg said he didn’t know the young woman’s name, exactly, but he did know she works at a restaurant somewhere, and if they wanted to give him a couple minutes he could probably find out which one. In the end it didn’t matter what Greg’s anonymous lover called herself. Peter refused to press charges, and deputies refused to waste any more time on the matter.

The dread pirate Rogers

EVERGREEN – How’s this for a con: On the afternoon of May 12, Mark answered a telephone call from what appeared to be a perfectly legitimate local phone number. On the other end was one “Lt. Rogers” of the “Jefferson County Sheriff’s Office.” Lt. Rogers accused him of missing jury duty and said there was a $1,000 warrant out for his arrest. In fact, Mark had recently “got out of jury duty” and believed it not impossible that he was wanted by the county. Lt. Rogers instructed him to withdraw $1,000 in cash from his bank, turn it into “Money Pack” cards at the nearest gas station, and take the Money Pack cards to the Jefferson County Justice Center. Mark was just pulling into the TajMahal parking lot when he got a second call from a different apparently legitimate local phone number. The new caller told him he’d be arrested on the spot unless he took the Money Pack cards into the Justice Center lobby, stood “in the middle by the metal detectors,” and read off the card numbers over the phone. At last, and in the nick of time, Mark “realized it was a scam” and contacted genuine JCSO personnel. Deputies determined that no warrant for Mark existed, and that the two seemingly legitimate local phone numbers were “no longer in service.” The case was turned over to JCSO’s fraud unit and Mark vowed to be less trusting of ostensibly legitimate local phone numbers.


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